Don't you send me to vm
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
