There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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