And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
