Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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