New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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