Are we in a gay sports bar?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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