Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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