How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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