I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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