so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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