It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
