it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
