This beer is not sobering me up at all
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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