I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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