Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
