Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
