I CAN MOONWALK!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
