Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
