I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
