k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's the barista slut.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
