she looked like the before picture.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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