i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
