Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
