neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
