Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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