yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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