i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
