My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.