happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.