Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.