Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
