yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
