They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think my mom watched the whole time
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
