should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
