We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
