on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
