before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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