Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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