So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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