this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
