That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
