This house was built for laser tag.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
