Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
