they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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