I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
