We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
