I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
