please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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