I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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