dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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