I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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