please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
