i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
