Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
