I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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