she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Of course I have a pirate flag
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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