maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
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I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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