so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
