My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
