You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
