im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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