just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
