why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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