so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
