What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
