So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
