So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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