My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
