Moan for me like Helen Keller
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
