Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry about my life...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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