Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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