We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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