Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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