did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
