oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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